Mar. 25th, 2015

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I saw a "Wordcount Wednesday" post on tumblr that inspired me to think about my personal projects in terms of chores: a little each day to maintain long-term goals. I'm running with the idea of picking different days to track progress on various projects...*opens up a spreadsheet in google docs*

I don't feel like writing about health or emotions. I'm surviving each day after losing weeks to a depressive haze. It's nearly April and I wanted so much more from this year. I turned 30 on the 17th (!!!!). I don't feel any older but I know I am when I grumble from my porch in the direction of the shrieking teenagers wandering down the road ("We were those teenagers once!" I told him. "Someone was probably on their porch glaring at us! One day our kids are going to be those teenagers!" Thus, the cycle of life continues~). Spring is around the corner, David's back on day shift, and I feel like I might finally breaking through. One day at a time.

Part of that is writing and staying accountable. I'm happier when I write. I have several strong SPN story ideas, I've sketched out a few ditties for my trope bingo card, and I'm trying to keep my creative vibe going as long as possible. Being accountable to update friends one day each week might help.

...and maybe posting here will help abate the insane loneliness that has settled in my chest. I haven't worked in 2.5 years. I rarely see friends. I'm pulling away from most social media because it's more of an aggravation than an enjoyment. I've never been an extrovert but being cooped up with family and kids 24/7 will wear anyone down after a few years. I need to make more effort, too. I have comments in my inbox that have been there for a few years. Er. So, maybe it's time to improve my being-a-friend skills and get some karma points?

Sigh.

I want. I spend my days wrangling kids and drinking too much coffee and doodling and trying to stay happy because I'm terrified of MS (fuck you, immune system). David's been great through all of this but I need conversation and --

Jack pooped, gotta run!

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